Thursday Things I Love

pat-a-pat-pat (telling me she wants to be picked up)

foo-foo-foo (whispered when she’s hungry)

husband-made coffee

kisses

morning snuggles

afternoon snuggles

bedtime snuggles

walking Babe toddling around the corner to come find me

slobbery babbles

slobbery kisses

blowing kisses

belly laughs

dah dah dah

when she holds me tight around the neck

being wrapped in my husband’s arms

holding hands to say grace

the smell of her hair when we kiss her forehead

little fingers on her very own camelbak water bottle

and.. three months of motherhood

I am thank-full. And love-full tonight.

๏ปฟ

6 comments

  1. Tara wrote:

    Good luck tomorrow, Anne. I’ll be praying for you all.

  2. Shasta Kelley wrote:

    Congratulations you three! Your family has and will continue to be in our prayers. We are so happy for you all! Give the little babe a hug for us both!
    Love, The Kelleys

  3. Aubri wrote:

    Can I just say that there is something in this post that really bothers me. “Three months of motherhood” I know you are referring to those months in which the babe has actually lived with you. But you have been a mother for much longer than three months. I even went back to one of the first posts for evidence: http://renidemus.blogspot.com/2010/12/firsts.html

    You have been a mother for much much longer, please give yourself more credit. I’m getting a bit too pushy aren’t I? I mean it in the most sincere, heartfelt way possible. I realize that you were struggling with the concept for a while, but in retrospect, know that you have always been, and will always be her mother.

    Kayleen texted me the news once she had heard. It was a beautiful moment. I’m so very happy for you all. ๐Ÿ™‚
    xoxo Aubri

    • renidemus wrote:

      I do understand where you’re coming from, Aubri, and I agree that I have been a sort of mother for a very long time. Since my nephew was born, in fact (14 years ago) I have had a “mother’s heart” and longed for children. But there are, we must admit, different sorts of motherhood, aren’t there? The kind of “mother” I was to the Babe was quite different when she was with her first foster family than the mother I am to her now. Not that one is more so or less so, but it is different.

      Even in pregnancy, women note the difference in “feeling” like a mother after the baby’s born. She wasn’t *not* a mother while she was pregnant, but she wasn’t the same sort of mother as the delivered mother is. Again, I’m not saying one stage is more or less a mother, but there is a difference.

      Perhaps I could have been more clear by saying “three months of 24/7 actively-present mothering to a child in my home” but that doesn’t roll quite as nicely. But my point is this: I have been longing to have a child in my home, a child who would call *me* momma, for years. And for three months (and only three months), I have have a little girl. My longing, I’m sure, is intensified by our struggles with infertility and the abundance of fruitful, growing families all around us, but I know very well the difference between having one’s own child and “being a mother” in other ways. I am all for giving myself credit for being motherly when and where I can, but in the end, there is nothing like the feeling of your own child running to you when all she wants is momma.. nothing. like it.

      I understand where you’re coming from, too–don’t get me wrong. And I appreciate the support and love and prayers, for sure! This journey has been very difficult for us and we wouldn’t have made it through without the community we have, so thanks for sticking with us. Also, thanks for linking back to that first post–It has been quite a while since I’ve looked back at the beginning. It’s hard to believe it was such a short time ago that I wrote that.. Over a year, but such a short time. We’ve been through so much..