5 Months?

A veritable eternity in the life of a nine-month old. Or for the waiting, hopeful-parents of a nine-month old.

Yes, the results of the pretrial yesterday–which thankfully did happen– is that the hearing date is scheduled for January 27. January. Five months away. And while we wait:  a one-year-old birthday and a second Christmas apart..

Many of you, quite wonderfully, have been faithfully praying for us and our little girl and her families, and we are so appreciative of your Love! Please, do keep the prayers flowing. We all need them. We are humbled and in awe at your support for us.  Thank you, dear ones 🙂 We wouldn’t be here without you!

You have also had questions, and I’d like to answer them, as I can.

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The birth father was not at the pretrial yesterday, and despite the agency’s lawyer asking the judge for an earlier date, January it is. There is a strong tendency in America toward keeping children with their biological parents at all costs, even in situations like this, where it seems clear adoption would be best, and the sooner the better. I don’t know how the hearing will go, or what will be ordered (paternity test? is this man actually her father?), and how soon after things might progress.

People have asked us if we could become the foster parents for this little girl, so that we could spend our time with her while we wait for the hearing date. And while there is a risk that she would have to leave us to go back to her biological parent(s), that is not what is holding us back from bringing her into our home immediately. We would take care of her for a just a single moment if that is what we are supposed to do.

You see, in order to foster, realistically, I would likely have to quit my job. Which would mean we would need new insurance. Which would mean Taylor might have to get another job or work more hours with Kaplan and wouldn’t be home much at all. There is also the cost of having a baby–diapers, formula, medical appointments, etc.–that we have to factor in. And, if the case hasn’t been resolved yet, we won’t be able to take her with us when we move west after Taylor graduates.

We haven’t decided against fostering, but it is a hard decision to make. And it is very complicated with many things to consider, many sacrifices. So, at this point, we don’t know what the best course is. For now, she is happy and healthy and well-loved by her foster family and we are blessed to have them in her life. And ours. Many, many considerations..

Others have asked us if we can put our names onto a “waiting list” for another baby while we wait this case out. I know that all of these people mean well and only want us to be the awesome parents they see in us, but I am always so conflicted when I hear that suggestion, almost angry. Please don’t take offense if you have suggested this, but this is something we will not do. We cannot.

Maybe I can explain our feelings if I put it into terms of pregnancy:  If I was pregnant and the doctors told us that they had no idea whether our baby would survive, we wouldn’t start planning our next conception based on when we think our in-utero baby might die. We wouldn’t put our names into an adoption agency with the caveat “well, we’re not sure if this baby will make it or not, so…”

The thing is this:  it’s not about any baby. It’s about this baby. This little girl growing up so far away from us. This sweet darling who has squeaked and scooted herself into our hearts, where she will be forever, even if she never comes home with us.Don’t you see? We can’t abandon her now.

And we won’t. Not if we can help it.



2 comments

  1. Viv wrote:

    🙂 You guys are wonderful. She is so lucky to have your unconditional support and love. And you have mine!

    lagbv

  2. Donna Bigelow wrote:

    Annie, you and Taylor are perfect for this little one! Patience, I guess is the answer 🙂