Not As the World Gives

Mass this Sunday was my first of the summer without Taylor.  Last week we were in California together.  The week before, Seattle.  It was a strange feeling, surrounded by people but sitting by myself. Our favorite family sat next to me, though, an expectant couple with their toddler daughter.  That was nice.

At the kiss of peace, I closed my eyes for a fluttering moment and wished my husband peace.  When he’s with me, we always turn to each other before turning to anyone else, and he says “Peace be with you,” and then I say, “Peace, Love” and we kiss.  Not the peace of the world, but the Peace of Christ.  That makes all the difference in our kiss.  All the difference in the world.

It’s now been more than a week since I last saw him.  Just over a week, though it seems so much longer.  It doesn’t help that I have been crazy-busy since I got home from my weekend.  Busy-ness helps the time pass, I suppose, but sometimes the days seem to pass more slowly.

And I miss him.  I don’t pretend that having to be apart from each other most of the summer is some unbearable burden, and I don’t pretend to have it tougher than anyone else, but I miss him and I won’t hide that.  He is the love of my life, after all.

Last night I had a dream about him. It was probably inspired by the recent conversations with my June-roommate, who just left this morning for Florida before her wedding. Her fiancé was there with us last night, and we chatted about their big day. They are so excited, such a lovely couple. I am thrilled to be able to be there with them for their wedding.

And, admittedly I am a little (ridiculously) excited also because my Taylor will be there with me! And we have a whole day to ourselves in a wonderful friend’s beach house. It will be magical.

That’s precisely what my dream was (“if that is what you mean [by magic]”). I don’t remember any particulars of the dream, except perhaps the feel of his lips on mine when he said hello, but the feeling, the euphoria after waking has stayed with me. I can’t wait to see him.

It was a peaceful dream; my own Kiss of Peace.  The Peace of Christ.

Because in a very real, and yet other-worldly way, I feel like I was truly with him last night, that we spent the night close together, hand in hand. Some may say that it was really only a dream, though a very happy one, but I believe it was more than that.

“Not as the world gives…” He says to His disciples. The world cannot give such dreams. It must be something more.

And it is.


  1. renidemus wrote:

    I love you too, my own! :*

  2. Kenneth wrote:

    Beautiful. I’m singing Mass parts.

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