In many ways, simply fostering an infant seems easier to me. If one takes the infant home, as a foster parent, one knows that the infant will only be with you for a time, that he won’t stay in your home forever. And you will, at some point, have to say goodbye. I don’t pretend to believe that having that knowledge will make saying goodbye any easier, really, when the time comes…
But if you are fostering an infant in the hopes of adopting him, it seems a little different. There is no certainty that you will never have to say goodbye. But there is no certain doom that you must, either. And we hope against hope for the former.
This is the reality Taylor and I are facing. We have decided, after much thought and prayer, to bring our little girl home with us, for however long God will give us. The hearing is in January, so we will have her at least through that date. Possibly longer if there is another court date scheduled. Possibly forever if the judge rules in favor of adoption. But, there also remains the possibility that we will have to say goodbye to her. Forever.
We knew this as we prayed for clarity. We knew the uncertainty. But deep in our hearts we felt that God was asking us to take one last blind leap of faith further into the uncertain and imperfect world of adoption, to open our hearts in this ultimate and most vulnerable way. We will lay them bare entirely, our whole world, our whole existence, open to the sweetness that is this Little Girl. Perhaps to have everything changed in the end. Perhaps to have that Sweetness taken away.
But we are not called to live in the future, to spend time worrying about what will come. We must live for today. And today I can say: we are bringing our little girl home.
We will eat Thanksgiving dinner with her. We will celebrate her first birthday with her and her foster family. We will spend (her second) Christmas with her. She will meet my daddy and many of our friends.. so many who have prayed for her, so many who love her.
And that is worth living for, now.
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Some have asked how they can help us. Prayers, continued prayers (!), are most certainly priority number one. We would be missing in the mist of this situation were it not for the support of our family and friends. We are so humbled and truly grateful for all the Love we have been shown. It is remarkable.
Still, since babies need some things, I’ve set up a wish list on amazon. Fortunately, we are *set* on clothes 🙂 there are nine nieces on my family’s side, and the clothes get passed around and mailed to and from our houses. The current foster mother will also be sending several things with the Babe, so we really don’t seem to need very much more.
We are so blessed 🙂