What I Have Learned

I have been “momma” for two months. I have been changing diapers and filling bottles and washing clothes and wiping boogers and kissing fingers and toes for a wonderful nine weeks.

And I have learned much. About the Babe. About my husband and our family. About our friends. And about myself.

I have learned (affirmed) that I am not a morning person. Nor am I really a middle-of-the-night person. I learned that Taylor is a pretty good middle-of-the-night person, and a wonderful morning person. I am very thankful for that.

I don’t like blueberry stains on clothes, and I don’t like yogurt in my hair. Or in my earrings. Or up my nose. I have learned how one gets a black eye.

I’ve learned that the Babe loves bath time, but that she hates being dried off and reclothed. She loves frozen blueberries, but doesn’t like cheese unless it’s doused in apple sauce. And she Loves to laugh. Big, hearty, throaty, infectious belly-laughs.

Our friends and family have shown more love and support and encouragement than I ever imagined possible.

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But mostly, I have learned the difficult task of gracious acceptance, making peace with myself “somewhere between my ambitions and my limitations.” Being “momma” has taught me that, sometimes, all I can do is take care of the Babe, even if it means leaving my guests to dish up their own food or clean the kitchen. Even if it means asking Taylor to clean the bathroom for me or to make that one last pesky errand after he’s already had a full day.

Motherhood has meant asking for help when I wouldn’t have otherwise. When I would have done it myself.

Those moments when I don’t want to move or say anything for fear of waking up the delicately sleeping Dear One on my chest..

Those moments when I am the only one who will do–when I need help. Or when I can’t help anyone else..

These are the moments when I have to swallow my pride and simply accept.

I am no expert. There are wiser, more seasoned mothers who could tell you more.

Yet, for me, in my short career, I have certainly learned this: I don’t deserve the help. It’s not like the badge of motherhood entitles me to special treatment.

But I am learning to accept it. Learning, I hope, to accept it with grace.

I have much still to learn.