Tuesday Three’s-Day

No, I won’t ever be ready. I think part of being an eternal being is that we are never ready to say goodbye. We weren’t meant to.

Because I know, deep down, that if I stopped time right now, we would never know if she is meant to be Our Little Girl forever. I will never know if we are supposed to buy her that big girl bed, to kiss all those boo boos and smooth those unruly curls down again and again. To send her off to college, and watch her make her way in the world, knowing we helped her achieve her dreams.

My heart aches when I wash her bottle and her breakfast dishes: “These will go with her,” I think to myself, “wherever she ends up.”

As I packed away the Christmas tree.. “Her ornaments. And her nativity set from her Papa.. these will also stay with her.” But what about the picture frame ornaments? Perhaps we will send one with her, with a picture of all three of us, and we will keep one for our tree.

Of course her blankets and her Blue–these will go. And her little leather shoes and her pink hat. These were gifts for her and she will keep them.

But I don’t let myself linger on those thoughts. I tell myself, “Wait until you have to make those decisions. It could be months before we have to face that. It could be never.”

And right now, I simply cannot let my mind wander to the possibility of never knowing anything more about her. Not knowing if she sleeps well at night, or if she still likes the word “stinky.” Will her hair stay curly as she grows or will it become straight? What will her favorite color be? Will she play the piano? Does she like to sing?

I can’t think about being just two, again.

Today we are three. Today, we are three…